"A Very Very Soft Bed"

September 21, 2012
Running time
Production code
Flash sideways
Centric character(s)
Written by
Directed by
Also Starring
Guest Starring
Special Guest Star(s)
Archive footage

[[{{{transcript}}}|Episode transcript]]
[[{{{transcript2}}}|Part Two]]

"A Very Very Soft Bed" is the forth episode of Lost Noir.


Maria Collins tried to force herself awake. She groggily looked around and saw she was in a small bed in a darkened room. The only light was coming from under the door. She vaguely remembered she had been shaken awake and told her cousin Valentina was on a phone and to tell her what had happened and if Valentina didn’t do what they told her to do, they would kill just about everyone. She had mumbled her way through that call, then had apparently passed out once again. She managed to muster the strength to check and see if her zap gun was still in her jeans pocket. No surprise, it wasn’t.

She knew she had to get up and out of that bed and if she didn’t, she may never be able to ever get up again. But it was such a soft bed. In fact, it was a very very soft bed. So soft, that even Snuggles the Downy Bear would of argued it was too damn soft! But she had no choice, she had to get up.

‘Okay, Mary,’ Maria thought to herself, ‘you’re a reasonably intelligent girl. You’re young, you’re in pretty good shape, considering the rock and roll lifestyle you’ve been leading. So despite that, what seems to be the problem that you can’t get your ass outta this bed?!’

With that thought, Maria rolled over, then immediately hit the floor with a thud! She felt to see if her nose had been broken (it hadn’t), but that loud thud had alerted someone in the next room.

The door swung open and Maria was temporarily blinded by the light. She blinked a couple of times, attempting to adjust to the sudden brightness. She felt someone grab her arms, lift her up off the floor, and place her back down upon the bed.

Maria glanced up to see a thin, pretty girl, with long purple hair, highlighted by green streaks. She wore petal pusher jeans, along with a white sleeveless shirt that featured an air brushed photo of The Mustard Gas Misfits. She smiled sweetly but Maria noticed she had a somewhat crazy look in her eyes!

“Can…I..ask you…a..question?” Maria managed to whisper.

Purple hair girl nodded.

“” Maria weakly asked.

“NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, BITCH!!!” Purple hair girl screamed.

‘So much for the sweet smile,’ Maria thought, ‘but the crazy part was right on!’

“What seems to be the problem?” Maria heard a man’s voice ask. A voice that sounded familiar to her.

The man came into the room. Maria quickly realized who he was.

“You’re….the…. dude…who offered me…. his Apollo bar…. back at the library,” she managed to utter, “what…did you….do to me?” She still had some residual dizziness.

“Can I tell her, huh?!” Purple hair girl asked, with a touch of glee in her voice that bordered on insanity, “can I tell her what I did?!”

“In a moment,” the man answered, “we must never ever forget our manners.”

Purple hair girl held her head down and pouted like a child.

“We must properly introduce ourselves first,” the man continued.

“If you insist,” Purple hair girl disappointedly replied.

“My name is Josef Bakunin,” he began, “and this over stimulated young lady is Lizergic Oldham. You are to be our guest until our employer can make the proper arrangements with your family to get you released.”

“What…do you want?” Maria asked, her mind slowly starting to clear up and her strength slowly starting to build up.

“I will explain everything in due time, Ms. Collins,” Bakunin answered.

“I drugged you!” Lizergic blurted out, like some child who just couldn’t keep a secret.

Maria glanced up at Bakunin with a look of confusion on her face.

“Yes,” Bakunin replied, “me being at the library was no coincidence. We have been following you for the last few days. Luckily for us, you got hungry and I just happened to have that “extra” candy bar. If you hadn’t of gotten hungry or had refused my offer of the candy, then we would’ve been forced to take more extreme measures.”

“Like I would have had the chance to use my tranquilizer gun,” Lizergic interrupted, “its so cool! It can fire a hypo-dart over 108 feet per second!”

“Marvelous,” Maria muttered.

“Instead, I injected that candy bar with a strong psychotropic I developed!” Lizergic continued with pride, “and it worked, didn’t it Josef?!”

“Yes, Ms. Oldham,” Bakunin irritatingly replied, “your tranquilizer worked.”

“I’ve got something even stronger than that,” Lizergic excitingly announced, “it’ll make her do anything we tell her, then she’ll cry like a baby! Let me try it out on her, okay? Please! May I?!”

“No, not now,” Bakunin answered, “maybe later.”

“Well, she wasn’t very “entertaining” the first time she ingested my drug,” Lizergic frowned, “so I don’t think I gave her enough.”

Lizergic glanced over at Maria and mischievously smiled.

Maria slowly shook her head.

“No,” Maria emphatically stressed, “I… think you gave me… more than…. enough!”